Thursday, August 5, 2010

My manifesto

As all you out there are probably aware we are in the middle of a world wide credit crunch, an economic period so bleak, the likes of which we haven't seen since John Major handed over his plate of peas to Tony Blair, that publishers aren't publishing books and are leaving d├ębut writers like myself no option but to blog themselves senseless in the hopes of some recognition. And maybe, at the end of all of this, I'll have achieved the status of author instead of the dubious banner I currently reside under, unemployed and not claiming. So I've devised a plan.

In this age of economising and frugality two things occurred to me that we should all be doing: number one, tightening our belts, and number two, getting what little enjoyment we can out of our miserable existences. This is the basis of my plan.

It seems to me more and more inappropriate for the times that celebrity chefs and the likes should be banging on and on about what the country should eat and where they should buy what ingredients. I mean, what planet are they living on. Obviously they aren't having to cut their cloth to the same measurements as the rest of us. So that's why I've decided to become a celebrity chef, not like all of those famous ones on tv but a chef of the people.

Out with gourmet ingredients, big budgets and tasteless un-filling healthy recipes, people want tasty comfort food that's affordable and easy to prepare, and I'm not talking about injecting lashings of MSG into breakfast cereals either. And that's where my proposed book comes in: Fifty Ways to Cook a Sausage. I've got just one obstacle in my path. Actually two but only I can learn to cook myself, myself. (Not cook myself as in put myself in the oven, just to clarify that last point). But I'm hoping you can help me with the other.

I need recipes. I'll post them as they come in. So there you have it. You have two choices: help the celebrity chefs feed their bank accounts at the expense of our happiness and out of our pockets, or help me to become the people's chef.

This country, the world, needs you. All I need are your recipes.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Hi, Jack,
    just stumbled across you - nice to be the first commentor - do I get a prize?

    Sorry for repeating myself there.

    I agree about the economic crisis, not sure it can be solved with a few bangers though.

  3. Hullo Rachel,
    thanks for commenting, to be honest I didn't think anybody were going to read my blog. No prizes, I'm afraid, unless you count the fun of taking part.

    Cook books are the new Dan Brown and celebrity chefs think they can dictate the nations' tastes by making recipes out to be like the DaVinci code - well I'm going to make food economic and tasty, but more than that, as simple as throwing a banger under the grill!

    Thank you very much for commenting.

  4. Hi Jack,
    So the answer is in the sausage?
    Why not? We've tried everything else.
    Although my bet would have been on flavored water--that looks like a winner.

    So, now, would you like us to contribute some recipes? Or not? Is it about recipes to make the sausages themselves, or to make other dishes from the sausages?

  5. Welcome, Lori.

    It's interesting to me that you should mention water, I think that encapsulates what I'm doing perfectly. You see, that's what all the celebrity chefs do - they take something like council pop (water) and they make what should be free and available to everyone the status symbol of the elite.

    What I'm proposing to do is to make a recipe book which has a sausage recipe - and in answer to your question, a recipe using existing economically priced sausage - from all over the world. The food what real people eat, not what the celebrity chefs - and let's face it, do they know what real people eat - think we should eat.

    Do you have a sausage recipe, Lori?